NEW HOME

I have a new site to house all my words. It's under construction, but head over and check her out.

www.candrasquire.com

Busy

I have been cleaning out my house since yesterday like a mad person. Not just cleaning, but throwing things away, boxing things up to put in the yard sale. If I had to look at clutter one more day my head was probably going to fall off. I don't understand how one family could possibly accumulate so much garbage! Why am I holding on to candle holders that I have NEVER burned a candle in? I don't need a tank top I've literally had for 9 years and I haven't fit into for the last 5 right? And im pretty sure I don't need to hang on to my kids old raggedy shoes they haven't worn in 2 years.
So Im clearing it all out. Out of my house and hopefully that will help clear my head as well.

May 16 & 17 Yard Sale at Casa de Squire Featuring the Santangelo family crap.

In Response to my Dear Sisters Biting Comment

STEPH SAYS: you probably won't like this but the reason plans change for you is because you give up on everything you try as soon as it doesnt go your way. if you work at something, you have an outcome, but you work for a month then quit. shit doesnt work that way. everyone who has success worked for it, it doesnt come overnight. you need patience, as much as it sucks, but its the only way you are going to accomplish any goal.

CANDRA SAYS:
The one true thing that has driven me for 30 years is the pursuit of my own happiness. I have chased love, never erred on the side of caution, I have had the courage to go back to school about 20 times, and have not been able to find out what I am supposed to be doing with my life yet. I started nursing in school a few times now and it's never what I wanted to do, it was just a means to be able to move and have a secure job. I have come to realize that is just not in the cards for me. I need freedom and creativity and nursing cannot give me these things. Maybe I will never find it but all I know is that I will never stop looking. If I stop thinking and trying things then I will be dead inside.
I have a burning drive to find whatever it is Im looking for and I know I will never stop until I can finally sit down and know ok this is right where I want to be.
To have either the balls or the stupidity to get out there and actively hunt my own happiness, wherever in the world it may lead me, doesn't make me a quitter.
At least, I don't think so.

Change is in the Air

Things are not working out for me as planned and I think it's proof I should make no more plans. The hint im getting is IT'S TIME TO MOVE ON. We have to make some decisions soon and figure out what it is we're supposed to be doing next. All I know is writing is the only thing that moves me, motivates me, and keeps me awake at night thinking. I think of the words and I compose things in my head.
Can I get paid to make parties, clean my house, and write? I'd be happy.
I think it's really weird how some people are totally happy getting an ordinary job, settling in a house and a plain town and living there until they die with no thought to aspire to do something else. I mean Im just a regular lady but Im not happy about it. I've tried to just be normal but it doesn't work for me man.
So I have to believe something cool is still coming.

Texas Part 2

When we finally arrived to my grandpas house in Cleveland, TX aka the damn boondocks it was 12:30. It was very messy, stinky and in total disarray. He is 76 and completely alone which is why I feel so guilty about only getting to visit once a year, but on this visit it had been 2 years since the last time I was there. That's a long time to go without your house being cleaned. Not only that but his dog has gotten older and started peeing in the house. The new carpet he had gotten was just peed on and dirty and gross. But the worst part was the outside of his house is always filled with beautiful plants and gardens and that was not taken care of and plants were dying. It was very sad and very unlike him. So I immediately jumped in and started cleaning. My dad took off with my car and said he'd be back in an hour. That turned into 4 hours. There I was, I had been up since 7:30 the morning before left with the girls, and the dirty stink house. Please tell me why a man needs to have a drawer full of the tops of the metal coffee cans and old twist ties?
I needed to go to wal mart to get some more cleaning supplies but I had to wait on jack ass mcgee to get back from where ever the hell he went off to. When he finally did he was drunk. Awesome.
So I went to wal mart and and then I stopped at the mcdonalds because they have a red box $1 dvd rental and I had to get the kids some movies. I pulled into the lot next to a big truck and when I got out of my car and started walking the back window of the truck rolled down and a dude with a huge stache looks at me and says in a weird long drawn out way, Hi.
I said hi and then he says, you came awful close to the truck.
So I replied yeah well I didn't hit it so, awesome. If he would have said one more word I think I would have jumped through that god damn truck window and ripped that stupid fucking mustache right off his head. I was not in the mood. No sir.
I went back to the house and pulled a mattress down on the floor to make my dad a bed on my bedroom floor. I finally fell asleep at 11:30 that night after 40 hours awake. Did I sleep well? No. My dad gets up about 75 times a night and roams around doing things like eating whatever is in reach and wiping vicks vapo rub up his nose.
One day down with him, one to go.

Texas Adventures

Last Thursday I embarked on a roadtrip in my ford taurus with my dad riding shotgun and my three raggedy kids in the backseat, houston bound. We left at 4:30 in the afternoon and drove straight through. I don't like driving with my dad because A. if Im driving he always tells me Im rubbernecking and B. if he's driving he is never paying attention. So I drove the entire way which bothered him to no end. We were about 5 mins away from my house the first time gasped in horror. I was getting on an on ramp and he thought that 25 mph was too fast to take that curve.
We got about an hour away and he started looking through his man purse and he dug out a pair of weird little binoculars and started looking at other cars and he says to me, want to make yourself sick? Look out of these! He then handed them to me, while im driving for me to look out of. The weird thing is, I did. I tried for like 3 seconds before I realized maybe it wasn't a good idea. But it highlighted exactly why I could never let him drive. Once when he was driving our family to florida for vacation we got about 15 mins away from our house when he rear ended someone on account of showing my little brother that our rental van had a light in the mirror on the visor.
So we continued on and he just would pass out and come to and mumble some nonsense. As it night went on and it got later he really wanted to drive but I wouldn't let it happen. I just took adderall and red bull and jammed it out. He would sit up and pull the seat into the upright position and say, want me to drive? I would tell him no and he'd pass out again. Sometimes he'd ask me things and then answer for me too. "How you doing? fine." One of the best parts is laughing at my kids sleeping in the car. Fallyn falls asleep instantly and the other two fight it out for space. J will randomly in her sleep start to make a crying sound because she is all stuffed in a ball and uncomfortable and skylar will yell at everyone if any part of them is touching any part of her. The more I have to be awake the funnier things get to me. We had to stop for gas and the bright lights always wake them up and I was asking if anyone needed to pee and fallyn would open her eyes but then they'd shut again but she was sitting up and wobbling. I almost pissed myself.
Even thinking about it now really cracks me up.
By morning we found ourselves in Texarkana and my dad like to say things he reads as we pass out loud. He saw a place called TACO BUENO and says in sort of a mexican accent, tacos. taco bueneo. taco goooood. But the thing was, he wasn't saying this to us to be funny, he was saying it to himself out loud like he has no realization that he verbalizes his stream of consciousness.
Then we got about 2 hours from my house (in texas) and he says if you see a gas station stop because "i have to squeeze a turd". I quickly forgot that I was supposed to stop and he reminded me again like 30 mins later with the same lovely phrase. Then I forgot again. I'd been awake many hours by this point and all I wanted to do was be there.
45 mins till we get there he screams, "well you must just think I don't have to shit!"
This was the end for me. I lost my mind and started to laugh till crying and I saw a gas station and pulled over and he jumped out before I was even parked while I was driving and ran in.
He came back 10 mins later and said "well I sat down and farted for like 2 minutes straight and I didn't have to poop anymore. Then when I walked out of the bathroom two little boys were standing outside the door laughing."

girl accidentally poops

I will never understand why the hell people search this all over the world and come to my blog. Is this a fetish thing? I mean I know my fair share of people who have accidentally shit themselves and it's hilarious everytime but I don't want to search for it on google.

Skylar had a grand thought the other day. We were eating a little Cherry Garcia and she asked why the container is so small and I told her that it only comes in the pint size. She thought about it and then said, you know what Obama should call them and tell them they need to make bigger cartons.
Forget stimulus, it's time for the love of ben and jerrys to be spread to the american people.

I had this idea to start making some greeting cards today and I made three different ones and I tell you what that shit made me laugh hard.

Here's one:

Front-
It wasn't really the dog that ate your sandwich.

Inside-
Sorry Dude.